


Tommy's Book of Memories

by Lumaladae



Series: Nether Ghostinnit [2]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Ghost!Tommyinnit, Hearing Voices, Hurt No Comfort, Memory Loss, Not Beta Read, Recovered Memories, Sad TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), TommyInnit Has PTSD (Video Blogging RPF), dead!Tommyinnit, dream wilbur and tubbo are only mentioned though, kinda idk, my own tommy death lmao, not beta read i have no friends lmao, not tommys canon death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-15 14:41:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29809944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lumaladae/pseuds/Lumaladae
Summary: Tommy shivered and pulled his brother's cape tighter around him. Techno said he could try going to the overworld with it, and Tommy couldn't lie, it did help.He found it a bit stupid that whenever he wanted to visit people he would most likely bundle up like it was -40 degrees outside, but as long as he was here it didn't really matter, did it?--Or:Tommy has an eventful day, and writes down what he remembers.sequel of "I Just Remember I Was Lonely", the first in the series. reading this before the first will probably not make much sense. :]
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s), Ranboo & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Technoblade & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), weirdos ofc not
Series: Nether Ghostinnit [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2091354
Comments: 3
Kudos: 103





	Tommy's Book of Memories

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! lets ignore the fact that i took m o n t h s to get this out, please--  
> I was actually working on this for about a week before tommy's canon death- a little funky i got it done the day after he died pfft-
> 
> TWs  
> If you are sensitive to suicide, anxiety attacks, or anything else related please do not read this! they are major themes in this story!   
> Please be safe, and thank you for reading!

Tommy opened his book. The day had been tiring, though he had many new memories and pieces of the puzzle fresh in his mind.

He found he didn't have as many troubles with remembering his memories as Ghostbur did. It seemed once he got a new one, he held on to it. Either way, he wanted to write everything down. Just in case. 

He flipped to the last page he had written on and added a new line.

**-Technoblade, my brother**

The day had started with someone knocking on his door. He wasn't doing much, nor planning on it. Not surprising. Truly, what is there to do in the nether? His only plan for the day was just to explore more.

Tommy quickly answered it, opening the door to see a familiar face. The pink hair framing the person's features sent a memory blooming through Tommy’s mind. 

Techno, much younger than he was now, running across the yard. His oversized cape gathering grass as he chased after Tommy. He looked angry, ears pointed back, mouth curled into an annoyed scowl, but the shine in his dark eyes told Tommy that he wasn’t really mad. Just a game of tag.

The memory was almost a picture. A shot taken right in the middle of Tommy's stride. He could remember about five minutes of that tag game, but one singular shot burned into his mind more than the rest.

Other memories passed by, some leaving as fast as they came. No wonder his name came up so much. Techno was a role model for Tommy, no matter how hard he tried not to be. He stuck to what he believed in and Tommy found so much power in that. He was helpful in Pogtopia too, even if he wasn't fully on Tommy and Wilbur's side.

"Techno?" Tommy whispered. He looked at the familiar piglin, his greeting more in disbelief than recognition. 

Techno's expression softened into something akin to a small smile. “Hello, Tommy.”

Tommy moved to the side and Techno nodded, walking in. 

He looked different, his familiar red outfit exchanged for a blue one. Red and gold accented and outlined the soft blue. His harsh red cape even changed to a pale blue lined with the same fluff. The new fabric was much thicker, heavier for wherever he moved to. Where did he move again? He also had his glasses on. Something Tommy had not seen since they were both young. 

Techno looked good in blue.

“I was really expecting you to go back to L’Manburg. Why are you out here?" Techno said, his question cutting through Tommy's thoughts. He had made his way over to the table and was sitting on the nearest chair.

Tommy shrugged. "The overworld is too cold. The nether isn't much better, it feels like the overworld in the fall." He whispers, sighing. "I keep wanting to visit, but every time I go through it feels like I'm in a freezer."

Techno nodded. "That makes sense. Seems like part of the whole..." Techno waved a hand, trying to find a soft way to say it. "...Lava issue." 

Tommy knew what he meant. He had died in lava. He didn't know how, but he knew lava was involved. 

He figured this out when he found a large burn scar crawling up his back, just barely past the collar of his shirt. It was a lot harsher than the red on his hands. The red in his hands would fade at the cooler parts of the nether, but the large burn looked angry and irritated no matter what.

It seemed Techno was aware of how Tommy had died though, and when Tommy spoke again, his brother went still. 

"I've been thinking about that actually… all of the memories I came back with were… sad. Why wasn't my death sad?" He was thinking out loud, of course, but it still pulled at the edges of his mind as he whispered. 

Techno, as stoic as he was, looked more shocked than Tommy ever remembered him to show. Sad shock. Big dark, doe eyes on the verge of crying type of shock.

Techno stood up, and for a moment, Tommy thought he did something wrong. 

Techno slipped the glasses off his face. He dropped them on the table, not caring if they broke against the hardwood. He quickly hugged the pale boy and sighed.

“Your death  _ was _ sad, Tommy. You may not think it was, but it was hard on us.” 

Techno said nothing else, but he kept hugging him. Techno’s cape was warm. Tommy felt oddly at home in Technos hold, foreignly comforted. Like it was years ago that he last felt his hug.

And for a second, Tommy believed him.

Sure, a death of a loved one is hard on everyone, but surely he would remember his own death if it was truly sad. Right? 

_ Your brother wouldn't lie to you though. _

In the far edge of his mind, a quietly familiar voice willed him to believe.

_ Wilbur did _ . He fought back.

_ When has Techno lied about something like this? When he gets serious about something he doesn't lie, Tommy.  _ The voice reasoned. 

_ Okay, say that he isn't lying. What reason would there be to be happy about my death? _

_ Suicide.  _

Tommy almost expected the answer. He didn't miss a beat, _why would I kill myself?_

_ Who knows. Either way, it's still a possibility. _

Tommy didn't want to listen anymore. He shook his head into Technos chest and hugged him closer, the warmth of his brother bringing him the slightest bit of comfort. 

Techno didn't ask, just tightened his arms around Tommy. 

They stayed there for a while, and Tommy was the person to pull back. “Thank you” he whispered, not even sure if Techno could hear him. 

Techno just nodded, and neither of them mentioned he red around his dark eyes.

\-----

Tommy shivered and pulled his brother's cape tighter around him. Techno said he could try going to the overworld with it, and Tommy couldn't lie, it  _ did  _ help. 

He found it a bit stupid that whenever he wanted to visit people he would most likely bundle up like it was -40 degrees outside, but as long as he was here it didn't really matter, did it?

Techno stepped through the portal next to him and laughed. “Is it helping?”

Tommy looked up at him with a sour expression. “Yes it is, actually. Don't laugh at me” God why does he have to be so tall? Tommy wants to at least  _ look _ as annoyed as he feels, but looking up at his brother just makes him feel like an angry chihuahua.

“I'm sorry.” Techno smiles, trying his hardest to hold back a laugh. He holds up a hand in defense, “It just looks big on you.”

“And you look dumb without it.” Tommy says back, then looking forward again. He hears Techno laugh next to him, and frowns. 

He didn't realize how much he missed this. Going through the small amount of memories he had, there were many instances as children when they would tease each other, but when he came here, it stopped. He was forced to grow up.

How much is still missing? Did he ever tease Wilbur instead? Did anything  _ good  _ happen here? What if all he’ll ever remember is sad? 

_ What was he missing? _

_ Everything.  _

Tommy covered his ears. 

This isn't what he wanted to do. He wanted to  _ remember.  _ Not talk with who ever this stupid voice is.

Techno placed a hand on Tommy’s shoulder, and Tommy jumped. “Are you okay?” It was unusually soft for the piglin, and Tommy only nodded.

Tommy dropped his hands, and took a breath. “Yeah. Yeah I'm fine.” He didn't look at techno. He kept his eyes forward. 

He knew he didn't sound sure, because he wasn't.

Tommy started walking, hesitant past the dark stairs. There was a feeling of guilt heavy in his chest. Was he supposed to be here? Maybe he should have stayed in the nether.

He stared at the community house. The feeling worsened. The next step he took felt like he was on soul sand, heavy and slow. He wanted to run off, run away from the dread building in him, but he knew it wouldn't work. 

He took a breath, and started walking. He walked through the community house, and set a path to L’manburg. He knew something had happened there, just not what. His memory was missing a hole he knew wouldn't be filled without going there.

Maybe the walls would still be there. What did L’manburg look like again? 

Tommy kept stopping on the way. Places he walked past didn't add up, or certain things made the uneasy feeling in his chest grow tenfold. He ignored the curious stare from his brother as he lingered behind him. Techno was quiet, letting Tommy figure things out on his own.

Along Tommy's path to L’manburg, someone kept popping up in the corners of his vision. A tall lanky person who Tommy was almost certain wasn't even real, because every time he looked, they were gone. 

Once he was finally able to catch the person, Tommy knew exactly who it was. 

**-Ranboo**

The enderman was standing next to a wall, unsure if he was able to join in. He looked almost scared of Tommy, or maybe Techno.

He jumped when Tommy saw him, and waved.

But Tommy was too caught up in his mind. Two memories quickly flashed past his eyes. Ranboo joining, and George's house. Tommy didn't care about the consequences their actions had, he had  _ so  _ much fun with Ranboo that day. 

He smiled towards the enderman, and waved him over.

Ranboo’s eyes widened, and he quickly glanced at Techno. 

_ “Hes not gonna fucking kill you, get over here.”  _ Tommy wanted to yell, but of course, he couldn't. So he just rolled his eyes and waved him over again. 

This time, Ranboo hesitantly moved from where he stood, and walked over to Tommy and Techno.

“Hey Tommy.” He said, still seeming scared of the ghost. He had his hands linked together, keeping them up by his chest, out of the way.

Tommy wanted to talk. But, he found it a little hard to convey anything to the enderman. His brain was overloaded with the fact that he existed, but how did they speak to each other? Tommy was pretty sure they weren't exactly on good terms before he died. 

Tommy tried hard to think, to remember how they acted together. Sure he had scarce memories, but was that how they talked still? Would it be appropriate to be friendly?

Finally, he got his words out. "Do you want to walk around with us?" He whispered. 

He figured it was the safe choice, because it had nothing to do with the past, something he doesn't have much of a hold on. A simple question was fine right?

Ranboo smiled. "Of course! Where are you headed?" 

He seemed immediately calmer, but Tommy shrugged it off. Maybe Ranboo thought Tommy hated him, who knows.

"Nowhere. It's my first time back in the overworld, I'm just trying to remember." Tommy answers. "I do want to see L’Manburg though, I can't remember what it looks like." 

Tommy started walking again, and tried to calm the spike of anxiety he felt when the other two didn't follow immediately. 

Why did they hesitate? Did something happen?  _ What  _ happened? He was definitely missing something, but  _ what _ ?

Soon he could hear the footsteps behind him, and he took a breath. He could be ready for it, right? Maybe if it was blown to bedrock he couldn't, but surely it couldn't be that bad, right?

_ We'll see. _

"Do you have anywhere else you want to see?" Ranboo asked, suddenly right next to Tommy. "Sorry" He said when Tommy jumped.

Tommy hadn't thought about anywhere else. L’manburg was his only destination right now. 

"I guess I could go to Logstead, but what's the point?" He shrugs.

Ranboo nods. "Do you remember Logstead?" It was hesitant, and it faded off as if he realized he had said something wrong.

Tommy takes a breath, "Sadly, yes. Its like I can only remember sad things, stupid if you ask me."

Tommy didn't want to write his Logstead experiences down in the book. Unfortunately, what happened seemed unforgettable. His mind refused to leave them behind.

Ranboo was quiet. "I'm sorry." Was all he said after a silent moment.

"Why? You didn't do anything." 

"I brought it up, I didn't mean to make you remember something." He seemed hesitant. No hint of a lie seeped into his voice, but his confidence betrayed him.

Tommy smiled slightly. "Thank you, Ranboo. But you don't have to apologize for that. You didn't know." He whispered. 

Ranboo nodded. He looked concentrated, like he was trying to convince himself that Tommy wasn't mad.

The three were silent as they walked through the mountain to the steps of L’Manburg. 

What Tommy saw, he wasn't expecting. He had no clue what to expect, but it wasn't  _ this _ .

A crater. A  _ hole _ .

Sure there were houses supported above the jagged rock, but the first thing  _ anyone  _ would see would be the giant scar in the ground. Not the docks, not the towers, not the camarvan.

**-TNT. A lot of it.**

Tommy stepped down the stairs slowly. He looked around, every detail sending a shock of memory through him.

The camarvan. Memories of wars and explosions finally fall into place like puzzle pieces in Tommy's mind. Flashes of black and yellow walls, a rain of arrows, and Dream fly through his mind. 

He took another step. The weight of the cape on his shoulders was lifted as it dragged on the last step.

The second watch tower. Where he watched Tubbo’s execution. The flash of color clicks in place.  _ Rocket Launcher _ . He remembered the fear and pure  _ hate _ he felt for his brother. How he ran to where he knew Tubbo would wake up.

Another step. He was lightheaded. 

The podium, The TNT crater. Wilbur had blown L’manburg up. Death by his own father. He remembers watching in  _ horror _ as his brother stood behind the now opened wall.  _ Disgust  _ as his father took his life.  _ Relief  _ when he saw Ghostbur, the spirit allowing him to deny the death of his brother for the slightest bit longer.

_ My L’manburg.  _

A country looking towards the future.

Two steps.

The start of obsidian walls. The last time he saw them, they were much higher, daunting as he looked up. Now they were short. Three blocks at some places, gaps in others. The  _ end  _ of obsidian walls.

Is the country locked in the past?

A few more steps.

The houses. No memories. 

The voice in the back of his mind started to whisper. 

_ You shouldn't expect much, Tommy. There may not be much more future for this country. _

Tommy covered his ears.

Another voice chimed in this time.

_ How many times has L’manburg hit a roadblock? Surely this is only a short setback.  _

_ Don't lie to him. _

_ Don't worry Tommy. See the houses? People still live here. Soon, L’manburg will thrive again. _

_ I said. Don't lie to him. Two or three houses doesn't mean anything. _

And then, Tommy was pulled back to reality. He's at the bottom of the steps. He kept his hands securely over his ears, afraid they would start again.

"Tommy?" 

Tommy pressed down on his ears.  _ Here we go again. _

"Tommy?" This time, more persistent. 

_ Please don't fight again. _

Tommy jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked back, and saw pink. Techno. 

Tommy lowered his hands slowly and looked at his brother.

"Are you okay?" Tommy can see the worry in Technos dark eyes. Over his shoulder, he can see Ranboo too. He looks just as concerned.

He could feel tears burn at the edges of his eyes. He forced himself to look away from his brother. 

Tommy hates crying. 

Tommy nodded, eyes toward the ground. As he forced his tears back, he shivered. He had forgotten about the cold, and now he wanted nothing more but to  _ leave _ . 

"It's so cold." He whispered. He shook his head. "It's too cold here."

"We can go back to the nether, if you want." Techno offered.

Tommy nodded. 

\-----

Tommy sat by the lava, memory book in hand. It was a lot. Too much information was flowing through his mind, but at least he wasn't cold anymore. He missed the weight of his brother's cape. He missed the crater most, of all things. He wanted to sit at the bottom, wanted to see how deep it went, wanted to explore.

Maybe another day.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again!!  
> Thank you for reading! i really appreciate you taking the time to read this :]  
> Please leave a comment if you have any questions on lore, and if i can, ill try to reply! comments also give me ideas, so feel free!


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